Middle-aged men should be alert to these warning signs
You might be "a heck of a nice guy" if:
- Your boss continually refers to your unrewarded increases in work load as "challenges" or "opportunities"
- You overhear young women who pass you whisper to one another "I can put up with nearly anything in a man as long as he isn't boring"
- Your name appears at the top of every local organizational list of "possible volunteers"
- The last time you cursed about something, someone marked it on a calendar and has kept that page of the calendar for years
- Your wife never thought of a potentially embarrassing pet name for you, but your children did.
- Each time you bring up a good idea you become head of another committee
- The waitress always comes to you with the check at the end of the group dinner
- Every time you confront someone with a serious concern you wind up hearing the words "a win-win situation" even though you know you haven't won anything
- Little kids tend to sneak up behind you and tickle you for no apparent reason
- Your veterinarian warns you that when your cat acts finicky, it may be trying to take advantage of you by expressing dominating behaviors
Favorite Colloquialisms
- West Virginia
- If you're born to hang you'll never drown, so let that big cat jump.
- If you peart off to me again, I'm going to wear you out.
- Cut the light on and crack the window, would you?
- I'm still tired after changing from slow time to fast time.
- Ohio
- Come again? You lost me at the bakery.
- Wow! That blew my hat in the creek!
- Could you get that before the buzzards return to Hinkley?
- Missouri
- He has enough money to burn a wet mule.
- I think you can tell, this isn't my first rodeo.
- If that happens, you'll have to lick the calf all over again.
- I've been to six county fairs, two goat-ropings and a log-rolling contest, but I've never seen anything like that
- Texas
- He was all hat and no cattle.
- It was blacker than midnight under a skillet.
- I'm so busy, I don't know if I found a rope or lost a horse.
- Never ask a man if he's from Texas. If he is, he'll tell you on his own. If he ain't, no need to embarrass him.
- Elsewhere
- Once you teach a bear to dance, you had better be prepared to dance until the bear is ready to stop.
- That's like milking a squirrel because you need the butter
- I wouldn't want to blow sunshine up your pants
- Cockney Rhyming Slang
